Week 2 down....

I have completed my second week. While it is still not something I enjoy, I am settling into a routine of waking up at 615am to make it to my treatments in Aurora by 8am. I walk in and quickly begin my treatment, walking out of the hospital at 826am. I feel good in the morning, but as the day goes on I usually get a headache, upset stomach and the newest thing has been dizziness. After talking to my doctors, the headache is a good indication that the radiation is hitting the tumor so it is swelling causing the headache. So while I have to have a horrible headache, at least I have comfort in knowing it is doing what it needs to be. This week was a little more stream line on the home front this week. Jack did start preschool on Tuesday morning. He likes it a lot, and seems to be doing well. Emma is settling into everyday kindergarten. She is still tired at the end of the day, and she still says it takes to long when I pick her up. But she too, is doing well. Joe was busy this last week with Town of Erie stuff, he did however help pass the golf cart law. He was very excited about this victory!

Thank you to all who has provided meals this week. Thank you to Randy and Bev for taking care of the toll expense for me, this is a HUGE help! Thank you to Jamie for making me my count down cards with a very motivating quote in each of them. It helps get me going every morning, and Fridays Jamie when you come with me to my treatments and you treat me to breakfast. Not to mention all of the help you have all given with the kids, getting them to and from school and allowing me amble time to rest. I am so very fortunate to have such a strong family and friend base. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Joe took this picture last Friday after my first week of treatment. I was tired, but doing well!

Setting In...

Well week 1 is under my belt! There were a lot of firsts last week for many things, which made it a much more emotional day. Today going in starting week 2 wasn't as scary. It was however daunting! The thought of still having almost 5 full weeks, 24 days is still so much! Ahhh! Trying to just take one day, one treatment at a time.
I feel pretty good after week 1, no real side effects. I noticed being a little more fatigued on Saturday while setting up the concert. It has also been really hot, so this might have something to do with it. My somavert dose was increased to 20mg daily injection, which has left me feeling very ill all day! As if radiation weren't enough! I am grateful for Jamie for taking Emma to school, and keeping Jack ALL day! Thank you so much!! and Michelle for having Emma for an after school play date so I can rest. Thank you both so much, I couldn't have gotten through it today without you! Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better, and I can keep plugging away at all my treatments.

Visual...

I am a visual person, I thought some of you all might be too. I took some photos today after my 2nd treatment. One of the pictures is the mask I wear every treatment, the other is the machine and the 3rd picture are two of the radiation therapists that I will see most days if not all. Their names are Theresa and Cara. Both have made this as painless as possible. I'm sure over the next few weeks, I will become good friends with them!

The 2nd treatment went better today. I had much less anxiety than yesterday. I am not loving doing this still, but I am feeling more positive and liking the fact that we are getting this thing out of my head. I'm sure the more I drive down there and do it the more routine it will become.

Jack had a great birthday, very low key but nice. Emma is all bathed, tucked in and ready for school tomorrow. I know she is ready and is so excited, but Joe and I still can't believe our baby girl will start kindergarten tomorrow. Although this bump in the road seems quite big right now, I know that in the coming years it will seem less. I am so very fortunate to have the life that I have!

1 down!!!

Who said one didn't count??!? Well it counts a lot for me! I am down 1 treatment and have 29 more to go!!! As I stated earlier this morning, Joe and my mom went with me, while the kids were with my younger sister Emily. Once I arrived they quickly took me back, (I once again didn't even sit in the waiting room) Joe and my mom went with me. We went right to my treatment room where they had everything set up. Joe put the mixes that John and Kate had made for me on his ipod, so when I got there I was able to plug it into this stereo. There would be NO way I could wear ear phones. They made some adjustments to my mask, so it's pretty tight. Joe and my mom stayed in the room while they bolted me to the table. I began to cry, such an unreal situation. Prior to being bolted Joe and my mom both came over and kissed me. I think it was pretty difficult for both of them to watch as well. Once I was bolted in, they both went back to the waiting room. The radiation therapists got me set up and took some xrays before beginning, once they had the pictures taken my radiation oncologist Dr. Gaspar came in to check the machine to ensure everything was as it should be. Once they began it took about 20 minutes, 4 songs! Other than the mask being tight, it didn't hurt at all, I didn't see anything or feel anything. Once I was done, my mom Joe and I all met with the Dr.'s I think I did a good job of relaying the same message the Dr.'s did, however I was glad that Joe and my mom had a chance to meet them and ask questions.
I have felt pretty good today, I have had a pretty upset stomach and have been a little tired. I don't know if this is because of the treatment or just because emotionally this has been such a difficult thing.
I am so glad day 1 is over, looking forward to doing a blog saying I have 1 day left. But like I said this morning, you have to start to finish. I'm relieved to have started!!

Today is the day....

It is still quiet in my house, Joe and the kids are all still asleep. It's cloudy outside, such a perfect day to sleep in. shockingly, I slept much better than I would have thought. It's hard to believe I have been putting this day off for over 2 1/2 years. I am nervous to begin, but also looking forward to finally being medication free. I know I saw this in every post, but thank you!! For all of the love and support, meals, CD mixes etc. You all are making me stronger and giving me the courage to face this head on. Joe and my mom on going with me today, and my younger sister is watching the kids. We tried to explain to Emma last night that I had to go to the DR everyday for awhile, at I will probably be really tired. I don't think she fully understood (how can she, I don't think Joe and I do either.) but she was very sweet and concerned. I am hopeful this will effect the 2 of them as little as possible. Well, I am off to do mommy stuff before heading to my first radiation treatment. I will update as to how the first treatment goes. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers!

Approaching....

At this time next week I will have had my first, possibly second radiation treatment. Not to mention it will be Jack's 3rd birthday and the day before Emma starts kindergarten. Talk about when it rains it pours. Isn't it funny that life never just gives you one thing at a time? Joe always says god has a funy sense of humor, I think that is a good and positive way to look at it!

Well I would be lying if I told you I'm not nervous, scared,upset, sad,mad and any other emotion you can think of. I have faith it will all be ok, but until it is, I am having a hard time moving past the what I am going through right now. For a long time I have not let myself feel upset about my situation, but I decided maybe if I just felt how I felt and worked through my feelings I could truly move past them. We'll see, here's to hoping!!

My appointment is next Monday August 16th at 10am. Joe is going to be with me, and the kids will spend the morning with a girlfriend of mine. From my understanding of this process I should be perfectly fine immediatley following my first treatment. It's over the course of a few days to weeks that I will be extremely fatigued and possibly sick. I keep thinking of what the radiation oncologist said to me last Wednesday...." If you are a lucky person, you will go through the treatment and it will work and you will have no side effects, if you are an unlucky person it won't work and you will have every side effect." I was crying and I just laughed and said, "well look at my file, I am clearly NOT a lucky person." Dr. Gaspar says to me " there are many people out in the waiting room that would love to change places with you." This made me think, I am lucky... I am lucky to have a great medical team looking out for what is best for me, lucky to have have an amazing husband and kids, lucky to have an unbelievable supportive family, and so lucky to have so many friends that are like family willing to provide me with endless amounts of love and support! So as I walk into that office next week, I am going to remind myself, again and again how lucky I am. What I would like from each of you is to also remind yourself again and again how lucky you are. You are all such blessings in not only my life but so many others. Thank you for being my rock through this extremely draining process. I am looking forward to celebrating the ending of this, by the first week in October!!

Meeting with the Radiation Oncologist

There are some things I think people should never have to do in their lifetime, but still many do. I think walking through the doors of a Cancer center to be treated for Cancer or not for Cancer is one of those things. Today I had to do this. I met with Dr. Laurie Gaspar, she is the chief radiation oncologist at the University Colorado Hospital. My appointment was at 8:30am this morning. I walked in and was greeted by a man that said he would be my host for the day. I found this to be irritating, because this was not a place I wanted to be. However, I do appreciate that the staff knows this is a hard thing for patients and their families so they are trying to make it the most enjoyable experience possible. Everyone was very nice and very informative. I sat down with a 4 year medical student (it is a teaching hospital, so this is to be expected. I have learned this over the course of all my treatment.) I chatted with him about my story, he went to get Dr. Gaspar and we went over it with her. She listened to the story, looked at my MRI and quickly came to the conclusion that she thought having the stereo tactic radiation treatment would be to risky for me. She said that my residual tumor is only 3-4 mm away from my optic nerve, which is to close. The whole area that will be radiated is only 1.2 cm I know you all are thinking the same thing I was, that is SO small. Regardless of how small it is, it is not safe to do that type of radiation. So, the plan is to do the fractionated radiation. This means a lower dose over a longer period of time. This to be exact will be for 5-6 weeks everyday Monday through Friday down at the University Colorado Hospital. Once again, I was deflated! I was assured that it should be fairly simple with little side effects. My biggest side effect will be fatigue, and possibly nausea and headaches. She then took me to the CT scan room where they fitted me for my 'head piece' for the next 6 weeks. I will wear this during my treatments, which shouldn't last more than 20 minutes once they begin. The whole process of fitting me for my mask was unnerving. I sat and said over and over again the our father prayer. The other big development of today was that they want to begin the radiation on August 16th. A month sooner than I had anticipated! I am asking you all to say an extra Our father for me tonight, as well as everyday over the next 6 weeks. I am very scared, and don't want to do this. I know this is what the next step in this journey is, but it isn't making it any easier for me. Please think of Joe, Emma & Jack. Pray that they all can get through this with little interruption. Also pray for my family and Joe's family. They are such an amazing support group for me. They have all offered to help Joe and I with the kids, as well as accompany me to my treatments. I think we are all scared, but know this will work, and that I will be drug free and in remission in the next 24 months. As always thank you all for you love and support!

I have attached the picture of the mask I will wear during my treatments. It is used to bolt me to the table so I don't move during. Yes, it really is as horrible as it looks!