The beginning....

It all began when Joe and I moved to Georgia in 2003. We had begun trying to start our family, both of us were so excited and couldn't wait for it to happen. Prior to our move, I didn't feel well. I would take pregnancy test and they would come back negative, each time I would be so deflated. I couldn't sleep, I had horrible nausea, and I just didn't feel like myself. Everyone kept saying, "You are stressed because you are moving." Which was valid, I was. Joe and I got to Georgia June 20th 2003, while so excited I was also very sad to be leaving our families and friends. We bought a beautiful home in Acworth, with a huge yard and very close to a lake. Joe and I unpacked and started making our new home our home. Joe's family came and spent the 4th of July with us. We went out on the lake, and toured around the city trying to get more acquainted with it. We were sad to see them go, but again still excited for our new adventure. My mom came out a few days later, because Joe was starting work. Her and I explored, and shopped, hung out and enjoyed some time just the two of us. One day while we were in Costco I decided to buy a pregnancy test, thinking of course it will be negative but I will give it another shot. I was always irregular with my monthly cycles, so I wasn't really sure when it could be happening. When I got home I was anxious to take the test. I did and it came back positive!! I was so excited!! I showed Joe when he got home, he too was excited but more hesitant than I was about telling people. Little did I know that many people experience unbelievable heartache while trying to start a family. So, I told everyone. Sent out a mass email informing all of our family and friends! Joe and I had our first appt. with my OB after my mom left. We waited a LONG time to see the doctor. Once we did, we were pleasantly surprised that we would get to have an ultrasound and see our baby. Or so we thought.... when the nurse put the machine on my stomach, she looked and us and said the baby did not have a heartbeat. I couldn't comprehend what she had said. I looked at Joe and said are you sure? Please look again. Hoping it would be different the second time they looked. It wasn't. I had a D & C a few days later. Joe and I were emotional about this situation, but we both believed that god made a choice that we wouldn't have been able to make. We also know that we have an angel that is always looking down on us. This was the beginning for me medically....

I went to see my OB, after many test he diagnosed me with PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome) which explained so much. I had always had irregular menstrual cycles, I had a lot of weird hair growth on the neck and my arms, and stomach, and acne. I asked my DR if I would be able to get pregnant, he informed me that while it might be harder he thought I would be able too. So I was given a drug called provera to get my period and then clomid to ovulate. We did this cycle a few times and I didn't get pregnant. I then went on a strict diet, lost 20 pounds. Continued with the provera and clomid, Joe and I then booked a cruise. Thinking a get away was in order. Our daughter Emma Jeanne was conceived on that trip!! She came into this world in Louisville, Colorado on February 18, 2005. I had no idea I could love someone so much! I had never seen her, but I knew I would do anything for her. I hope one day she will realize how VERY wanted she was. I am grateful for the first miscarriage for the pure fact that I wouldn't have Emma. Lord knows I don't know what I would do with out her!

After she was born we were your typical family. Joe would go to work, I stayed home and played with Emma and other moms and their kids. When Emma was about 16 months old, I started getting the itch to have another baby. I was concerned that it would take awhile, and I didn't want our children to be far apart in age. Like I really had a choice! So I went to my DR and once again was put on the provera and clomid, which worked! Joe and I welcomed our son Jack Michael on August 17, 2007. We were overjoyed! A daughter and a son, how lucky are we. Both born beautiful, healthy, ten fingers, ten toes! Once Jack and I got home from the hospital is when I started not feeling well. Both my pregnancy were induced a week early due to high blood pressure. Which can be common in pregnancy. I had acne, again goes along with pregnancy, and the hair growth didn't go away. Seven days after we were home, I was taken back to the hospital for a staph infection. To this day we are still unsure exactly what went wrong, but I was in a lot of pain and it was a good thing I went in. I was hospitalized for 3 days and had yet another D & C to help "clean me out".

Once I got home, we started establishing our normal routine. Or what was the new normal. I was often tired, and had headaches. Everyone I would talk to would say "you just had a baby and you have a 2.5 year old". Both true and were good reasons as to why I didn't feel well. As time went on my headaches became much more severe, I got carpal tunnel, my nose was widening, my ring had needed to be re sized 5 plus times, my feet were wider so I needed all new shoes, I got carpal tunnel and my jaw constantly hurt and would pop out of place. I was a mess!! I went to the DR to ask about the carpal tunnel and she once again said "it's because you just had a baby, you have more blood flow." Of course I was glad she didn't think it was something more serious. My jaw began hurting more and more, we thought this might be what was causing my headaches. I saw my dentist and he said I had a horrible over bite and I should have my jaw broken and reset. WOW! That's a big surgery! Joe and I went to Omaha, to see a very good family friend who is a dentist and he referred me to a surgeon there. That DR told me not to do the surgery, that breaking it and resetting it wouldn't help and to just get a night guard. We were thrilled! A solution to the problem, or so we thought.

I got the night guard, it helped some but not much. I was still very tired, headaches with vision problems, carpal tunnel, etc.... when I went to bed I would wear braces on the hands and mouth guard in my mouth. Geez, I looked pretty! Sorry Joe!!

I would sleep whenever possible, Joe was a huge help and would get up with Jack often and let me sleep until the last possible moment.

I never got used to the way I felt, but I didn't know what else to do, so I went on about my life. I was never overly energetic, but tried to always have my upbeat personality. Even though I was faking it, and was miserable! I kept reminding myself, you have these 2 beautiful children, enjoy them! When Jack was 6 months old I got a job at the Erie Community Center in the evenings when Joe was home. It was great, earn a little bit of money, have some adult time and the kids didn't need to be in daycare. Again, days were very difficult. I would go to bed with headaches and I would wake up with them. I always had them, but again I tried to be positive.

Then I needed to make yet another emergency room visit......